What Kwen Fee Really Needs (in four parts)

PART 1 – What Kwen Fee Really Needs

Kwen Fee enjoys his bachelor life
But Henry thinks he needs a wife
Being former roommates you can tell
Henry wants Kwen Fee suffering as well
To have someone nag him not to swear
and to make sure he wears clean underwear

Why spoil something that is good?
Once married he no longer will be rude
No more porn will pass his lips
No more talk of bums and tits
No more pics of transvestites
dressed in leather pants so tight

So Henry please curb your advice
Our Kwen Fee does not need a wife!
What he needs is a website for his porn
Then a new thriving business will be born!
He will have bunnies on each leg and arm
I don’t think this will do him harm?

So why spoil something really good?
I say keep Kwen Fee single and rude!

PART 2 – Slicky Henry

Henry’s words are very slick
But in fact it’s an elaborate trick
Really? Get Kwen Fee a trophy wife?
That’s one sure way to ruin his life

Of course she’ll give him a little honey
Just enough to get all his money
Then when poor Kwen Fee’s broke
She’ll run off with a younger bloke

PART 3 – He’s a Picky Prick

Glad we can all have a good laugh
But getting Kwen Fee married is going to be tough
First, he is so very very picky
He won’t settle for just any old floozy
Second, she has to be really smart
Not some stupid old broad that farts
Third, she has to be acrobatically good in bed
Like doing it balanced on her head
Fourth, she needs to look stunning by his side
So he won’t date someone as tall as she’s wide
Fifth, she has to live with him in Brunei
But nobody goes there – I wonder why?
Sixth, he really prefers a girl from VI
But, VI girls his age are in very short supply
So you see the insurmountable problem we face?
Getting him remarried at his advanced age?
But wait, maybe a solution’s in sight
We can try to get him a mailorder bride!

PART 4 – Some Dating Advice

VI girls are very sweet
They will make your life complete
BBGS girls are even better
When they’re dressed in kinky leather
PES girls really get you hot
They do think about sex a lot
Assunta girls in short brown skirts
Truly are such terrible flirts
Kuen Cheng girls have their fans
They’re highly prized by Chinamen
St. Mary’s girls are so coy
But they’ll make you a happy boy
MGS girls on the other hand
Have a good time wherever they can
Vivekenanda girls please all suitors
Well versed in the kama sutras
But the best girl for a wife
Is one who’s been to the school of life!