Mrs C’s Thieuley Bordeaux

In a fancy French restaurant somewhere in Kuala Lumpur, a couple is shown to their table by the Maitre d’. The matronly lady is with a much younger man.

She leans towards him lovingly, “Darling, you like French food, or not? If not, I can take you for German food — they have these nice big sausages. You know how much I love big sausages…”

She giggles and he avoids looking into her heavily kohl-lined eyes.”Sure, I like French food – my favourite is French fries. You like French things also, Mrs. C?”

Giggling, and placing her red-manicured hand on his arm. “Silly boy, don’t be like that. Tonight, don’t call me Mrs. C, lah. Just C.” Fluttering her heavy false eyelashes, “You know I like French things, don’t you? You know what is my favourite French thing, sayang? Guess, lah.”

Without hesitation. “French fries, right?”

She giggles some more. “Silly, silly boy. No, lah. You know what I really really like, don’t you?”

He looks puzzled. “Not French fries, ah?” Now scratching his head, “Aiyah, then I don’t know.”

She giggles even more, “French kisses, lah.” She quickly grabs his head, pulls him towards her and gives him a long wet kiss.

“Mrs. C! Not here, lah.”

She licks her lips and looks disappointed.”Why not? Now you don’t like?” She french kisses him again, this time more aggressively. “And that is for calling me Mrs. C!”

He, blushes fiercely. “Sorry, C, but it is just that my mother taught me to be polite with all her old friends, one.” He blushes even more and moves one hand protectively under the table onto his lap.”You know I like that kind of French, one! You know it gets me so, so, so — it is so embarrassing in public, lah.”

She cuts him off with a sharp whisper and a finger over her red-painted lips. “Aiyoh, don’t say so loud in public, lah!” She giggles, “Sure, I know, you like it! Magic tongue, mah.” Then becoming more serious, “I think we’d better order some food.”

She beckons the waiter over to the table.

“Good evening, Madam. Would you and your son, like to order now?”

She replies indignantly, “What? No, lah, this my toy boy, one,” and caresses her young companion on the cheek. “So handsome…”

The waiter looks puzzled, “So, so sorry, Madam. So the one with you last night also not your son?”

She gets annoyed, “Can you just take our order?

“Of course, Madam. Would you like to order something to drink first? Cocktails, wine?”

“Thieuley.”

Waiter is taken aback.”Madam, please! I am just trying to take your order.”

She gets agitated, “What, you stupid, ah? I said “Thieuley Bordeaux.”

Waiter gets equally agitated, “Madam, please! No need to be rude, otherwise I will have to call the Manager.”

She gets really agitated, “What is wrong with your bloody hearing?” She speaks slowly and loudly, as if the waiter is hard of hearing. “THI-EU-LEY! BOR-DEAUX! Got it?”

The waiter gets really agitated and angry and exclaims, “I am getting the Manager!”

A rather worried-looking Manager hurries back with the waiter in tow. “Madam, what seems to be the problem? My waiter says you have been very rude to him. Can I help you and your son?”

She gets very exasperated. “First, this is not my son. Second, I just want to order but your idiot waiter gets annoyed!”

The manager bows obsequiously. “So sorry, Madam. Can I take your order?”

She replies curtly, “Thieuley Bordeuax! And for starters, we would…”

The Manager gasps in shock, takes a step back and interrupts her. “Madam, how dare you? This is a decent establishment. Please get out. Now!”

She stands up, arms akimbo, and glares at the Manager. “Is this is how you treat your customers, ah? We are leaving, also! You are all gila!”

Taking her companion by his arm she pulls him to his feet. “Come, darling, let’s go home.”

He looks crestfallen and puzzled. “But, Mrs. C, I didn’t get my french fries…”

She storms out of the restaurant dragging her date by the arm. Sometime later, in her red Ferrari heading to her luxury penthouse apartment somewhere on Jalan 17/1, she looks amorously across to her companion in the passenger seat and places a heavily jeweled hand on his muscled thigh.”Don’t be upset, darling, the night is young.”

He replies pleadingly, “Can I have something to eat when we get to your apartment?”

She giggles again, “Of course, lah, sayang! But first we start with some Thieuley Bordeaux…”

He looks very disappointed, “I think, I’d rather eat something first as I will need the energy.”

She giggles even more, then slaps him on the head, “Silly boy!”

Fade out.